Monday, September 2, 2013


We spend our lives searching for love.

We use terms like 'my better half' and 'you complete me' to try and explain the incomparable feeling that comes with falling in love.  The only way for us to explain the ferocity of the feelings is to say that until that person walked into our lives we felt like we were missing a limb, that we were semi-transparent, that we were only half a person.  The love we feel for a partner is extraordinary.

And yet, it is not always our partner or our family members with whom we share our most private thoughts, our secrets, our hopes and our dreams.  They are not the only ones who hold us in their arms, cheer us from the sidelines, and hold our needs and desires at the forefront of their minds.

Sometimes, so very often, it is our friends who hold the fort.

Lately I've been questioning, well, pretty much everything. Most specifically my friendships.  Whether it's healthy, and even safe, to rely on a non-partner for the big stuff.  But then I think of these extraordinary men and women who I'm surrounded by - these magnificent creatures who know when to answer the phone, when to drop everything and arrive on the doorstep, when to say 'no, you're not ok, what's wrong?' and when to just say nothing.

I think of my oldest friend and our ocean-like friendship and that no matter how long it's been and how far out the tide goes, we always end up coming back to each other's shores.  I think of my closest ally who has been my platonic 'other half' since high school who I know I will grow old with like Hilary and C.C from Beaches (or more likely Blanche and Dorothy from The Golden Girls) - hopefully sitting on verandahs and sipping tea or scotch/gin.  I think of her husband - my workshopping partner-in-crime, my fellow fantasist and a constant ear.

I think of my dear college girlfriend and how we take it in turns to be fragile and strong and how freeing it is to be able to revert to the emotional state of an 18-year-old without fear of judgment.  I think of my sidekick/old housemate who always knows exactly the right thing to say whether it's supportive or critical and who has been a silent partner in all aspects of my life for the past half decade. I think of a darling new friend who was 'just there' in my weirdest hour weekend of need, who just makes everything shiny with her directness and mindblowing energy (and hair).

I think of the rush of excitement I get when I reconnect with an old friend or when I meet a new unicorn who blows my mind.  I think of the friends with whom I have regular bare-it-all dinners, my walking buddies and my dancing buddy. I think of my friends with whom I talk politics and internet-crushes and those who I debate over booze-laden dinner tables.  I think of the friends who I can crawl into bed next to on Sunday morning with cups of tea and the paper and those who I jump in a car with for spontaneous adventures.

I believe that our friendships can complete us and fulfil us as much as a romantic relationship, just in very different ways.  I love that some of my gang know and love each other and some have never heard of nor met each other.

Mostly I just think about how very lucky I am, even in the darkest hours, due to a lovely ring of special ones who make each moment just that little bit more magical.

(pic by Annie Griffiths for National Geographic - shot at a thermal spring in Montana in 1997)

1 comment:

  1. That's beautiful, Franny. You know what they say? You get what you give. That's why you've got all these peeps. xx